MOTHER SAUCES - Part un

Ok, there are some very basic recipes in cooking that one must learn. Key among these are the "5 mother sauces", as defined by larousse (french bible modern cookery....modern being loosely defined). From these 5 sauces, 10 million sauces can be made or "derived", hence all the other sauces being called "derivative sauces". Learning these basic five recipes/techniques, and then letting your imagination run with how to flavor them will mean that you can create a great sauce for any dish. While there is some debate over the 5th sauce (some include vinaigrette, instead of tomato), I will stick with the more traditional 5 (and besides, I've already given you the best vinaigrette recipe ever, see blog named such) and they are as follows:

1)BECHAMEL - a white, milk and roux based sauce....think alfredo, or the best mac n' cheese you've ever made
2)VELOUTE - a light stock based sauce that is thickened with roux, and becomes "sauce supreme when either heavy cream, or less commonly, craime fraiche is added
3)ESPAGNOLE - a rich sauce made with dark stock, usually beef or chicken, combined with a dark roux, herbs, and for some (though not me) tomato paste. I only add the tomato paste when making a derivative sauce if needed, otherwise, I like to keep it a little cleaner tasting
4)HOLLANDAISE - probably the most famous of the 5. A warm emulsion of egg yolks, fat, acid, and flavorings, known most famously for eggs benedict, or its' most famous derivative, bearnaise....mmmmmmmmmmmm.
5)TOMAT - think of a frenchified version of italian tomato sauce with a roux added. Nowadays, in culinary school, they teach one to use canned tomatoes, no roux, and tomato paste, but to me that isn't the sauce that escoffier made, it's more akin to a bastardized marinara, so for these purposes, I actually prefer the old-school one.

Today we'll start with one of the easiest and also one of my favorites

SAUCE TOMAT:

3 oz salt pork, this is an unsmoked pork product, which is best, but you could sub bacon if you must
1/8 c carrots, peeled and diced small
1/4 c onion, diced small
2 oz ap flour
2 oz whole butter, unsalted
5 lbs fresh tomatoes, quartered
1 qt white chicken or veal stock (sub veggie if you must)
1 clove garlic
1 1/2 tsp sugar
Salt and Pepper to taste

1)Place salt pork in stock pot. Add 1/8 cup water, cover, put on medium heat and cook for 5-7 minutes. This will allow the fat to render without burning
2)Add butter, carrots and onions and saute for 5 minutes
3)Sprinkle on the flour, and cook, stirring constantly for 3 minutes (basically making a blond roux with the fat, butter, and veggies
4)Add tomatoes and garlic, and saute until tomatoes start to release their liquid
5)Add stock, bring to a simmer, reduce heat to low and cook for 1 hour, stirring semi-frequently (every ten minutes or so)
6)Use a stick blender to puree your sauce, then pass through a chinois or fine strainer. If you want a VERY smooth sauce, sub a stand up blender for the stick one
7)Season to taste with sugar, salt, and pepper


Derivative Sauces
Nantua - Saute some onions and celery till soft, add some crawfish, and diced tomatoes, then deglaze with 3 oz cognac. Whisk this into your finished sauce tomat. Great for Grilled Fish such as swordfish or marlin

Portuguese - Saute onions till lightly caramelized, add chopped tomatoes, and sliced garlic, then add some reduced beef stock (demi glace). Whisk this into your finished sauce tomat and finish with chopped parsley. Also, great on grilled fish, but works very nicely on grilled pork as well.

Provencal - Saute onions and mushrooms (usually just buttons) in butter till soft, add white wine and garlic. Whisk this into your finished sauce tomat and finish with chopped parsley. Great on fish, chicken, pasta, or veggies.

Like I said, there are literally thousands of derivatives for each sauce. Play around with it, odds are it'll come out well....actually, that might be optimistic, but this sauce is a great base for adding flavors. You can even add reduced heavy cream, and it becomes a great sauce for seafood pastas.

"In France, cooking is a serious art form and a national sport."

"The best way to execute French cooking is to get good and loaded and whack the hell out of a chicken. Bon appétit."

Both of these somewhat contradictory quotes about French cooking are attributable to Julia Child, an unfailing champion of classical french cookery.


Coming next.......Bechamel. We'll do Hollandaise a little later, after we've had some success with the mother sauces, as the first time making that finicky sauce might be enough to discourage the faint of heart.

Good luck my future sauciers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The GOD of all hot sauces

Firstly, sorry my photography sucks, but it was taken with my phone while cooking, so a little blurriness is to be expected. Secondly, it's not even really doing this justice to call it a mere hot sauce, but srirachi thai chile sauce is an absolutely indispensable resource for any cook from the haughtiest fine dining spot to a simple home cook wanting to broaden his/her horizons. It's known by a few nicknames, such as the red rooster, or the kickin chicken because of the rooster on its' label (if you live in georgia, beware, kickin chicken also refers to wild turkey 101, which is not so food friendly). It's texture is more of a paste than the traditional hot sauce, but don't be scared away. It's hot, but not overly so, with a pleasant acidity and some good garlic flavor to it as well. It is so versatile....you really just need to have a bottle of it in the fridge for any occasion. I will lay out a few good ways to use it, but really just start subbing it in for hot sauce in your normal recipes and then just play around with it.

Srirachi Mignonette - for all the oyster lovers out there

1/8 c champagne vinegar
1 tsp srirachi
1 shallot, diced FINE (sub a 1/4 of a red onion if you don't have a shallot)
1 tsp honey
1 tsp fresh ground peppercorns
Juice of 1 lemon
1 tsp fresh thyme

1)Mix all ingredients together and let sit for 1 hour. Serve over chilled oysters and slurp away


Srirachi Aioli - delicious on anything

2 egg yolks
1 pinch salt
1 clove garlic, minced
1 cup plus 2 tblsp olive oil
3 tblsp srirachi

1)add salt, egg yolks, garlic, and srirachi to blender. Puree till eggs are lightly frothy
2)SLOWLY, drizzle oil in to blender (while still running, sorry if that's obvious) until the mixture forms into a thick mayonnaise. ***Note:you may or may not need the 2 tblsp of oil, you will have to judge the thickness of your mayo

Use this as a dip for any fried seafood. Drizzle it over pork chops, smear it on crostini, make a sandwich with it. Like I said, good on just about anything

Srirachi Honey - the easiest recipe I will ever post

2 parts honey
1 part srirachi

1)Whisk together......like I said easy.

This sauce is amazing for the grillers out there. Brush it on shrimp, pork chops, chicken, steaks, scallops, veggies, or anything else you can cook on your grill. Just do it towards the end of the cooking process so that the sugars don't burn too much. It's also great as a dipping sauce for crab fritters, stuffed artichokes, or used as a sauce for a piece of swordfish perhaps.

Thai Chile BBQ Sauce - works great as a marinade or a completed sauce

1 tsp fresh ginger, grated
1 stalk lemongrass, pounded (just hit the stalk with the flat of a knife to release it's oil/juices)
1 cup brown sugar
3 tblsp molasses or cane syrup
1/3 cup srirachi
1 1/2 cup apple cider vinegar
1/2 cup apple juice
6 oz coca-cola (NOT PEPSI :)
1 cup tomato paste
1 clove garlic, minced
1 tblsp worcestershire sauce

1)Combine all ingredients in a pot over medium-low heat and cook 60-90 minutes, stirring occasionally. Remove lemongrass and use as mentioned above.

SIGNS THE RESTAURANT YOU’RE IN
SERVES REALLY SPICY FOOD

They have two seating
sections: “Foolhardy” and
“Flat-Out Crazy”

The waiter comes around
with a pepper mill —
as a joke

The hallway leading to
the bathrooms is a
designated fire lane

The food is free,
but water is $10 a glass

Stuff my Basset will and wont eat

So, this is Tater. Actually, she is named Sweet Potato fully because she is the color of one and is oddly lumpy in places just like her namesake. She is a very sweet, thoroughly food obsessed animal who constantly surprises me with her culinary dos and don'ts. This post was inspired by this morning, when I dropped an ARTICHOKE on the ground and almost lost a finger trying to retrieve it (not really, she is very gentle, but she did scarf that freaking artichoke). So without further ado...the list

DOs

Beets - shaved, pickled, or just roasted and diced, she loves them
Artichokes - as mentioned above
Grapes - this one has a caveat, only when they are halved will she touch them, otherwise she just noses them around for a bit, then leaves them to surprise you at midnight when you're going to the kitchen for a glass of milk
Seafood - whenever I cook any seafood, especially tuna, she lurks about 3mm from my left ankle and just drools huge long strands of drool that almost touch the floor till she gets a taste. It's odd b/c she doesn't do this if I'm cooking a steak for instance.
Tomatoes - see the rules for grape eating
Fruit Pastilles - this is an english gummy candy (think a non-sour sour patch kid) and she is obsessed. I came home one day to find that my large (brand new, over 1 lb box) new shipment of these from across the pond was no more. Just paper bits, a couple of the yellow ones not eaten on the floor, and a bloated, slightly uncomfortable looking, but nevertheless happy basset remained. This was the first of many lost packets of pastilles and now we are forced to top shelf them.
Bananas - Loves them. Most dogs just sniff around at them, she inhales them.


All that being said, she does have her moments of finnicky eating. For example,

Loves bread, won't touch a tortilla
No Berries.....period
Blue Cheese, I know it smells, but it's still cheese
Whole wheat crackers from Costco with Flax seed...don't know what it is, but she backs away from them like they are spitting cobras

I'd love to hear about whatever weird things your dog eats or doesn't....or just any funny dog habits.

The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too. ~Samuel Butler

From the dog's point of view, his master is an elongated and abnormally cunning dog. ~Mabel Louise Robinson

A dog is not "almost human" and I know of no greater insult to the canine race than to describe it as such. ~John Holmes

Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window. ~Steve Bluestone

"FOOD" FOR THOUGHT - cheesy I know, but c'est la, c'est la

So I know I usually end a lot of my posts with quotes that are relevent (or at least semi-relevent in my addled mind) to said subject material. That however is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO limiting. I can only do quotes about mushrooms, entertaining, gnochhi, or specific things. So, I am broadening the horizon for this one. The following is a list of quotes, mostly about food, some not, but all that I find inspiring, thought provoking, or funny.

Please add some that you love, or tell me what you think of mine.....even if you want to tell me that you think mine suck, are wierd, or disgusting.

A GOOD START

Nothing would be more tiresome than eating and drinking if God had not made them a pleasure as well as a necessity. ~Voltaire

Sex is good, but not as good as fresh, sweet corn. ~Garrison Keillor

Do vegetarians eat animal crackers? ~Author Unknown

Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that’s bad for you! ~Tommy Smothers

One of the very nicest things about life is the way we must regularly stop whatever it is we are doing and devote our attention to eating. ~Luciano Pavarotti

If only it was as easy to banish hunger by rubbing the belly as it is to masturbate. ~Diogenes


COURSE 2

You can say this for ready-mixes - the next generation isn't going to have any trouble making pies exactly like mother used to make. ~Earl Wilson

All happiness depends on a leisurely breakfast. ~John Gunther
******I have tried using this as a defense to my weekend laziness, but, unfortunately guys, it apparently is trumped by the "honeydew" list (read HONEY DO)

A bagel is a doughnut with the sin removed. ~George Rosenbaum

It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato. ~Lewis Grizzard

I don't think America will have really made it until we have our own salad dressing. Until then we're stuck behind the French, Italians, Russians and Caesarians. ~Pat McNelis
***for the record, other than caesar, all these dressings suck, it's just a funny quote

Sleep 'til you're hungry, eat 'til you're sleepy. ~Author Unknown
***If only life were that simple.....it might be for my basset hound, but not I

We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons. ~Alfred E. Newman
***Sad, but True


THE ENTREE

If God had intended us to follow recipes,He wouldn't have given us grandmothers.~Linda Henley
***my father is happy that this isn't actually true in our family.....creamed onions..AGHHHH!!!!

Rice is born in water and must die in wine. ~Italian Proverb

Nobody seems more obsessed by diet than our anti-materialistic, otherworldly, New Age spiritual types. But if the material world is merely illusion, an honest guru should be as content with Budweiser and bratwurst as with raw carrot juice, tofu and seaweed slime. ~Edward Abbey

Hey yogurt, if you're so cultured, how come I never see you at the opera - ANON
***now that's just funny

What is patriotism but the love of the food one ate as a child? ~Lin Yutang

Everything I eat has been proved by some doctor or other to be a deadly poison, and everything I don't eat has been proved to be indispensable for life. But I go marching on. ~George Bernard Shaw

A gourmet who thinks of calories is like a tart who looks at her watch. ~James Beard
***Crass, but true.....kind of true to Beard although he is somehow sanctified by all

We load up on oat bran in the morning so we'll live forever. Then we spend the rest of the day living like there's no tomorrow. ~Lee Iacocca
***Not a bad philosophy actually

And I find chopsticks frankly distressing. Am I alone in thinking it odd that a people ingenious enough to invent paper, gunpowder, kites and any number of other useful objects, and who have a noble history extending back 3,000 years haven't yet worked out that a pair of knitting needles is no way to capture food? ~Bill Bryson
***For the record, this guy is just f'in hilarious. Everything he writes, but I chose this quote as a highlight.

Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. ~Mark Twain

Did you ever stop to taste a carrot? Not just eat it, but taste it? You can't taste the beauty and energy of the earth in a Twinkie. ~Astrid Alauda
***This might be my second favorite food quote ever

One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well - Virginia Wolfe
***This is my absolute favorite one

THE SWEET FINISH

Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first. ~Ernestine Ulmer

Research tells us fourteen out of any ten individuals likes chocolate. ~Sandra Boynton

Without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos. ~Don Kardong

Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Coincidence? I think not! ~Author Unknown

There are two kinds of people in the world: those who love chocolate, and communists. ~Leslie Moak Murray
***No offense Kenny...Oh wait, you're a MAN U fan, not a communist, I get the two confused :)

I prefer to regard a dessert as I would imagine the perfect woman: subtle, a little bittersweet, not blowsy and extrovert. Delicately made up, not highly rouged. Holding back, not exposing everything and, of course, with a flavor that lasts. ~Graham Kerr

Cookies are made of butter and love. ~Norwegian Proverb

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart. ~Erma Bombeck
***Dark, but that's just funny

Man cannot live on chocolate alone, but woman sure can. ~Author Unknown

THE BIG FINISH

"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon."Doug Larson

So, that's it. Hope you enjoyed some, were intrigued by others, and will post some of your own.

A really quick, easy, but amazing way to cook you some shrooms

Ok, I adore mushrooms. Short of my friend John Lange, I think I love them more than anyone else I know. So earthy, so versatile, to use some obnoxious chef terminology so full of umami (it's the japanese word for the extra taste sensation of savory). There are countless ways to cook/use them, but I thought I'd just throw out a really tasty, really easy way to do so, especially if you are doing some entertaining. It has great flavor, and makes for a really nice presentation...............what we are talking about is "en papilotte". Sounds fancy? Really it just means baked in parchment paper.

First, prep the parchment.

Basically, you just need to cut a big heart out of the parchment paper. After loading in all of your mushrooms and other items on one side, fold the other side over the top & starting at the bottome or tip of the overall heart, tightly roll the bottom lip over the top lip, until you have a nicely sealed oval shaped packet full of shrooms. This is just then popped into the oven for about 25 minutes at 400 degrees, then when you are ready to serve, pop it onto whatever plate you want to present on, tear a hole in the top, and voila, perfectly roasted mushrooms all with a little sauce in the bottom of the paper for all to enjoy, an people will think you a properly trained french chef, schooled in the techniques used by the masters, such a Larouse, or Pepin.

Anyway, enough of that, I guess I should include a recipe in this ramble.

1 lb of assorted, or not assorted mushrooms

**Just buy what looks best freshest at the market, but mushrooms with a little more body work best, such as the above pictured chantrelle or porcini, but crimini, hedgehog, even buttons all work

1 tblsp fresh chopped thyme

1 tblsp fresh chopped rosemary

1 tsp fresh chopped oregano

3 tlbsp olive oil

1 1/2 tlbsp butter, cold, cut into 5-6 pieces

1 tsp salt

1 tsp fresh black pepper

1 clove garlic, sliced thin
Optional - 1 tsp chili flake

Cut mushrooms into similarly sized pieces, especially if using multiple types. If just using crimini, not really necessary, but if you have large porcini, you will want to break them down a bit. Just make sure to leave them in pretty good sized pieces to be able to have a good, meaty texture at the end. Toss all ingredients together, except for the butter, and let marinate for ten minutes. Then, pile into parchment, as described above, top with the slices of butter, then seal the parchment, as described above, and roast and serve, once again, as described above. Dead easy, can be prepped ahead of time, and is absolutely wonderful.

As always, some ponderables..

"Every mushroom is edible.........once"

--ANON--

"One can only imagine the amount of mushrooms a sane person would have to eat to be convinced that a frisbee is a fearsome threat"

--Gary Lewis--

"Love is like a mushroom....you never know if it's the real thing until your already commited"

--ANON--

Gnocchi...a little bit of work, a whole lot of delicious

This is I guess another edition of the "dinners on a budget variety", but don't be put off by that. I make these all the time, and they are extremely popular chez moi and with fam and friends. Technically, I would say that this is actually a potato dumpling recipe as I don't use the traditional gnocchi roller to give it the classic gnocchi shape, but if you feel so inclined, feel free.

Just a quick note before we get into the recipe: It is easiest to get the dough all ready to go, stuff it into a disposable pastry bag, and then cut the dough with scissors as you squeeze it out directly into the boiling (salted) water (just remember to give each one a little squeeze as you cut it to give it the indentation to hold the sauce), but if you don't have a disposable pastry bag (and are too cheap to invest the $3.25 for ten of them), then it works just as well to put portions of the dough on a floured board, hand roll them into long "snakes" of dough and then cut by hand (really, by knife). That is how I will lay it out in the recipe below, but I prefer the pastry bag method. There are countless ways to serve/sauce the gnocchi once they are cooked, and we'll get into the variations and my favorites post-recipe, just don't think gnocchi covered in red sauce is the limit of these pillows of deliciousness.

Basic Gnocchi Recipe

3 large baking (Idaho) potatoes (about 1 3/4 pounds), scrubbed
1 large egg
1 teaspoon salt
1 tblsp fresh chopped thyme
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground white pepper
Pinch of freshly grated nutmeg
1/4 freshly grated Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese
2 cups unbleached all-purpose flour, or as needed

1)Bake potatoes at 400 degrees until tender. Then, using a kitchen towel to not hurt your hands, peel the potatoes completely.
2)Use a ricer to finely mill potatoes. If you don't have a ricer, mash them with a fork until no lumps remain.
3)Allow potatoes to cool, then form a well with them on your cutting board. Whisk together egg, salt, thyme, pepper and nutmeg. Place egg mixture in center of the well, and work into the potatoes with your hands.
4)Gradually, start adding flour & cheese into the mixture, kneading with your hands. Don't overwork the dough, or the gnocchi will get tougher. About 4 minutes should be plenty. Your hands may get a little messy, but that's part of the fun. Just scrape whatever dough is on your hands back into the dough. Note: you may not need all of the flour, just keep working it in until you have a dough that is no longer sticky to the touch.
5)Flour your work surface, and place dough on board. Flour the top of the dough, and divide into 5-6 portions. Take each portion and gently roll it into a roughly 1/2 inch thick rope (you may need to add flour as you roll to keep the dough from sticking, then cut into gnocchi. Take your thumb and make an indentation in one side of each gnocchi (this helps it hold the sauce) and place on a floured sheet.
6)To cook the gnocchi, drop into boiling salted water, and cook them for about one minute AFTER they rise to the surface. Gently stir as you do this. Remove with a slotted spoon and drop into ice water as you remove them. After they are cooled, drizzle with olive oil and you can keep them refridgerated until ready to cook.

To serve the gnocchi:

1)Remove from fridge and sit them out for 1/2 hour.
2)Brown some butter in a saute pan (just over medium heat until butter starts to brown and smell sort of like baking bread), and toss gnocchi in a even layer. Brown on both sides and then do one of the following

a)serve as is with the brown butter and some shaved parmesan
b)toss with your favorite (homemade of course) marinara or pesto sauce
c)Reduce 1/2 cup of heavy cream and 3 tblsp white wine by half, add 1/4 cup of gorgonzola, fontina, or gruyere cheese. Stir until cheese is incorporated, then toss in gnocchi
d)Cook some bacon lardons until crispy, add some finely chopped scallion and sage, then toss in gnocchi..................mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

As always, play around with how to sauce the dish. These little pillows of delight are quite versatile. Serve on a bed of spinach, or toss with some pulled roasted chicken and a little jus if you want more of an entree.

PS - for a great variation, add 1/4 cup of good quality ricotta to the gnocchi dough, you will need more flour to make it come together, but it is a great addition.

Noush, I expect reports of how your gnocchi came out by the end of the weekend :)


"The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you're hungry again"
---George Miller---

Enjoy, and let me know how the gnocchi come out

THE WORLDS BEST VINAIGRETTE!!!!

Firstly, apologies to all 10 of my followers, but I've been having internet issues chez moi, so that's why I haven't been posting lately. I'll make up for lost time, I promise. Secondly, ballsy title, I know, but it's true. I know I'm biased, and have a taste for this dressing because I've been eating it since I was 2, but it really is my favorite. Versatile, garlicky, salty, deliciousness.

The odd picture above is my mother, holding a jar of said vinaigrette, talking on the phone (quelle fucking surprise). It is there because it is actually her recipe, and I don't want to take credit for a recipe that isn't mine. I'll steal the recipe and publish it onto the interweb happily, but I won't take credit for it. Also, she will love the fact that that picture is online for all to see, so....added bonus. Anyhoo, on to the recipe.



2 cloves garlic, pressed
1 tblsp maggi seasoning sauce (this stuff is great, available at most grocery stores, and is very versatile. Think soy sauce made by Germans...great in stews, soups, marinades, etc)
2 tblsp dijon mustard
1/4 c white balsamic vinegar
1/2 c olive oil
1 tsp salt
1 tsp fresh black pepper

Mix all ingredients other than oil together till emulsified, then slowly whisk in oil.

This is perfect for a nice mixed green salad, but also makes a great topping for slices of avocado, a great marinade for some grilled chicken, or is a great finisher for a lighter grilled steak dish.

As always, I'll leave you with a couple of quotes, these ones about mothers:

A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. ~Tenneva Jordan

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children, obstetrically once, and by car forever after. ~Peter De Vries

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his. ~Oscar Wilde

Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own. ~Aristotle